enchantment that lasts…

Can the purpose of a relationship be to trigger our wounds? In a way, yes, because that is how healing happens; darkness must be exposed before it can be transformed. The purpose of an intimate relationship is not that it be a place where we can hide from our weaknesses, but rather where we can safely let them go. It takes strength of character to truly delve into the mystery of an intimate relationship, because it takes the strength to endure a kind of psychic surgery, an emotional and psychological and even spiritual initiation into the higher Self. Only then can we know an enchantment that lasts.

Marianne Williamson

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9 Responses to “enchantment that lasts…”

  1. luv2sex.info February 14, 2013 at 3:17 am #

    I need some time to ‘digest’ the meaning of this !

    • secretthots February 14, 2013 at 11:06 am #

      I suspect this is the kind of thing that will take a lifetime… and if we’re lucky – no, blessed – we can find someone who will accept, challenge, encourage, respect and love us through all that digesting. 🙂

  2. NormalDeviations February 21, 2013 at 1:50 pm #

    Now I am going to take this as a serious question rather than a quote – for reflection.

    Does this just apply to romance? I notice the word “relationship” which has so many different connotations. Is this not the case for friendship as well as romance? True friendship, with intimacy – not necessarily physical.

    In a sense, does it even matter whether it is romantic or not? Transcending everything to share that strength and initiation together.

    • secretthots February 22, 2013 at 1:35 am #

      Serious, yes. This is an on-going question for me but particularly poignant at present…

      Brene Brown said, “You show me a woman who can sit with a man in real vulnerability and fear and I’ll show you a woman who has done incredible work. You show me a man who can sit with a woman who just had it and can’t do it all anymore and his first response isn’t “I unloaded the dishwasher”, but really listens, because that’s all women really need, I’ll show you a guy who’s done a lot of work.”

      Romantic or not, I think what we are talking about is work… for anyone looking to share that strength and initiation together. And for some of us, it’s not worth the pain of being seen in our flaws and fears… and/ or the person seeing us isn’t worth the risk.

      And I tend to pursue, to dig, to be fierce in my acceptance of another’s ‘flaws’ and relentlessly pursue authenticity. But in my experience, this way of loving, of sharing, of intimacy is too terrifying for those I try to love… maybe because I’m not worth it, and/or the journey isn’t worth it, and/ or they’re simply not interested/ able. Regardless, the result is that they don’t feel loved; they feel small and lesser-than and eventually, this work becomes a burden rather than a release into deeper intimacy with themselves… and with me.

      I heard that 2013 is going to be the Year of Transcendence… and I pray this to be true.

      • NormalDeviations February 22, 2013 at 9:47 am #

        Ahhh! I am mirroring where you’re right now. I agree that it’s work – and some of the most difficult kind of work, because it includes that exposure of our vulnerability and perceived flaws (I caught that – and I agree).

        I’m another that strives to have the grace of accepting another’s flaws in as unconditional of a way as possible, yet maintaining awareness by not focusing on ignoring flaws being the result of acceptance. My experience is invitation to intimacy is damn tough for others to accept. That internal self-critic that each of us owns struggles with acceptance of other’s acceptance of our flaws.

        I can hear a tone of despair in what you’re saying and I understand it. At times, it feels like the harder we try and the more earnest we are to communicate that acceptance to others, the more it seems to be near…counterproductive?

        Take heart, though, Lola. Realize that the journey and struggle is another layer or experience of intimacy between them involved. And getting to that height to push through each complex layer of burden, isolation, or belief can seem to be unbearably difficult. Those protections are hard to push past because they are simply that: ways we protect ourselves. But, even allowing others to experience or see those protections is a layer of vulnerability in itself – and is also another intimacy.

        • secretthots February 25, 2013 at 1:19 am #

          I have been thinking on your message and I remain full… of inarticulateness. Thank you for expressing some of what I haven’t been able to find words for. Yes, there is despair and grief and abject terror but also waves of acute clarity, reflexive release and growing gratitude…

          It is all ebb and flow.
          It is all transition and transformation, I hope.

          I am heartened by your last paragraph, in particular (seriously though, the whole reply rocks) but I witness how those I most wish could embrace and share that as truth with me… do not and may not ever.

          And so, acceptance takes a turn at the corner and we assume yet another form…

          • NormalDeviations February 25, 2013 at 1:36 am #

            The path you’ve chosen to take with that… so much better than the other. Flowers for Algernon, if you get that reference.

            • secretthots February 25, 2013 at 1:51 am #

              It can be a lonely path (and is very much so of late). Yet, it’s vital to retain enough hope and faith in the goodness of what you are saying to try, try again. 🙂

              Lovely reference… yes, just loverly.

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