12 Responses to “his eyes…”

  1. NormalDeviations February 25, 2013 at 12:50 am #

    Is there any other feeling in the world that compares?

    • secretthots February 25, 2013 at 12:57 am #

      … it’s so hard to describe (and that’s saying a lot, coming from me, trust me)… and unbelievable in so many ways… which makes it that much more incredible.

      • NormalDeviations February 25, 2013 at 1:00 am #

        Consider this encouragement for you to continue to describe it – different facets, feelings, and words… πŸ™‚

        • secretthots February 25, 2013 at 1:11 am #

          You are a wonderful cheerleader, you. πŸ™‚ It truly amazes me how such a fleeting moment extends… into multitudinous facets, feelings, and words.

          And truthfully? It also makes me long for more moments of the same…

          • NormalDeviations February 25, 2013 at 1:18 am #

            And truthfully? It also makes me long for more moments of the same…

            Such a double-edged sword that can be. Having reached that point and experiencing and remembering what it feels like can make anything else seem… well, grey.

            The age-old question of having reached the height of that point, will we always be seeking that and nothing else?

            • secretthots February 25, 2013 at 1:20 am #

              Touche!! * sigh… yes. I am a seeker in so many ways but I have more days than I care to admit where it’s a struggle just to believe in the veracity of that moment… and trust it.

              But perhaps this is part of seeking and building an intimate relationship – waking up to a deeper sense of beauty within thanks to the reflections of another.

              • NormalDeviations February 25, 2013 at 1:33 am #

                Balancing on the narrowing edge of intimacy again. Reaching there, being aware of it, yearning for it again, sharpens the fear of it being the peak. Or, even worse, withheld…

                • secretthots February 25, 2013 at 1:41 am #

                  Ah, I like that “sharpens the fear”… some of that fear is fed when we realize how ill-equipped we are at rising to the peak-ed demands of intimacy or at dealing with the consequences when we withhold intimacy.

                  Or, in my case, it’s becoming clear that I could probably do more to withhold for the sake of not sharpening the fear within others… that is my task for the week. πŸ˜‰

                  • NormalDeviations February 25, 2013 at 12:56 pm #

                    Withholding… suppressing… is that being true to yourself or will it eventually turn back on you from within and have other unintended consequences?

                    That’s what I’ve been struggling with for, well, a while.

                    • secretthots February 27, 2013 at 12:17 pm #

                      If it’s not a fetish or something that fuels deeper sexual passions, I think the choice to withhold and suppress is not being true to yourself because you are not truly expressing yourself in your fullest capacity.

                      However, I am deeply endeared to beloveds who by default, withhold and suppress their emotions and desires because it is a way to protect and/or cope with the limitations of their relationship(s) – with others and themselves. Denial has becomes a key coping mechanism for them.

                      For me, your struggles (and I confess, mine too, of late) are more about authenticity and the challenges of being wholly honest about who you are/ what you need in the present moment… so, yes, there are consequences when you are not present, when you are not being honest (with yourself or someone you adore/ love/ desire intimacy with) – the primary one being that you will not get what you need or want… and/ or the other person will not.

                      Distrust, disharmony, discontentment and sometimes, a bag load of suspicion become near and dear companions.

                      This is some of what’s at stake, I think, and how we measure the worth of protection/ concealment/ suppression versus authenticity, transparency and vulnerability determines if who we are risking for is worth it.

                      For me, I keep making the mistake that like me, people desire to be authentic, and desire acceptance for who they fully are – warts and all. So, I tend to over-share, I overcompensate, and I risk expression when I should suppress because in that, I am projecting needs that not everyone shares. I ask more than is fair. I offer more than is needed or, more aptly, I offer more than what has been earned.

                    • NormalDeviations February 28, 2013 at 10:56 am #

                      I’ve been trying to figure out how to respond to this fully for a couple of days now. Not quite there yet, but I’ll give it a partial response. More to follow – perhaps when I get back, alas.

                      For me, I keep making the mistake that like me, people desire to be authentic, and desire acceptance for who they fully are – warts and all. So, I tend to over-share, I overcompensate, and I risk expression when I should suppress because in that, I am projecting needs that not everyone shares. I ask more than is fair. I offer more than is needed or, more aptly, I offer more than what has been earned.

                      I’ve struggled with this. It just doesn’t seem natural – for me, at least – to actively overcompensate by suppression in a deliberate way. My experience is that it’s rare enough to extend that to someone, that when it’s done, reciprocation happens much more readily and completely.

                      This is some of what’s at stake, I think, and how we measure the worth of protection/ concealment/ suppression versus authenticity, transparency and vulnerability determines if who we are risking for is worth it.

                      Turning this a bit – it strikes a chord in a big way. Turning it around to how much we value transparency and vulnerability when others have that concealment naturally – not having the awareness or insight about what that transparency can mean. Not having experienced it, they don’t even think to try to reach that middle ground without being educated or experiencing that transparency initially.

                    • secretthots February 28, 2013 at 12:09 pm #

                      Take your time… I’m enjoying the dialogue and have been thinking about all of these things for some time now. I think this blog is some of the response to these questions. And like you, I too am mulling, sorting, and offering as I can, as it comes to me. So, thank you for these thots… I will now mull and look forward to more from you. πŸ™‚

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