why i ask…

Dear Gentle Sir,

I should probably be more threatened by other women, by the women who surround you in your every day – the ones I don’t know, the ones I know you are attracted to, even those you have been with.  And on the rare occasion that I do feel such uncertainty, it is only for want of something that can never be because try as I might, I cannot be everything to you; I will never be your All.

This is the risk one takes when giving and receiving another’s trust and heart-truth.

I am not easily threatened because more than that, I am overtly curious.  For every time your heart patters or your cock dances, it reveals aspects of yourself that I thought I knew or have yet to experience with you.  And I want to know you.  I like knowing all about you.  I love knowing what turns you on. And if she makes you moan, then tell me… so I can learn.  I want to awaken your hunger like she does but do it in my own way.

This may unnerve you – my need to ask, to know, to picture who and how you are/ have been with other women.  My need for naked truth between us may feel like too much and I don’t mean to batter at your door.   In this way, I may feel most unfamiliar and be unlike any woman you know or have known… and may ever know.

But you, you are unlike any man I know; your attractions are varied and surprising and far from cliché. What attracts you to one may not be the same with another.  Your tastes are refined and your complexity is part of what makes you so fucking sexy to me.

So, when I ask, I want to know because I want to know what pleases you so that I might please you.  When I ask, it’s because I want to eradicate worry and doubt and fear from the spaces between us.  When I ask, I am trying to be brave (in spite of my flaws and insecurities) and give to you in a way that no one else has before.

When I ask, I am asking because the more I know, the more I can give.  When I ask, I am letting you decide how much permission I have to be who I am, and yes, with each answer, you determine who we both can be…

Ever with Sweet Promise,

Lola Moi xo

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