its own kind of freedom…

I wrote love notes of various kinds… here and there… hoping I really was seen, feeling against thinking that perhaps finally, my trust was worth giving. I thot: this is what all those story books and fairytales were trying to describe. Swept off my feet, I fell.

Too late I realized I was wrong: when you looked at me, it was not a promise, it was not a meeting of well-mets; it was a warning.

… so many love notes.

Human hearts are fragile, made particularly malleable thanks to the mind-bending heat of misguided belief. Pain births deeper understanding as it sinks into scars you believed to be healed (or, at least, healing). Blame, lies, disrespect, and silence disappears love. We become rank with longing for something that never really was.

This is the struggle to Living.
This is why we pray for blindness.
Loving the Wrong One illuminates if our soul stays open.
I see you even more clearly now but more: I see me.

but thunder…

Close your eyes. Remember this moment:

My mouth lingering on your skin.
My hands lightly tracing you – pausing to hold you.
My tongue licking the water off of you as it trails down your body.
My smooth, wet skin settled warm against yours.
Your breath heavy; an echo to mine.

Notice how this creates a symphony
of “yes” in your mind.
and “more.”
and “don’t stop, oh, God, don’t.”

Open your eyes. Notice how this symphony plays on.

but thunder

talisman…

i write these words
quickly repeat them
softly to myself
this talisman for you
fold this prayer
around your neck fortify
your back with these
whispers
may you walk ever
loved and in love
know the sun
for warmth the moon
for direction
may these words always
remind you your breath
is sacred words
bring out the god
in you

— Suheir Hammad —