the ____ she is…

There are certain people who come into your life, and leave a mark. Their place in your heart is tender; a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. Just hearing their names pushes and pulls at you in a hundred ways, and when you try to define those hundred ways, describe them even to yourself, words are useless.

– Sara Zarr –

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11 Responses to “the ____ she is…”

  1. Beatnik du Jour May 5, 2013 at 7:49 pm #

    Love the image.

  2. NormalDeviations May 16, 2013 at 12:10 pm #

    Do we really want closure, or do we want that mark to grow? Needs versus wants, no?

    • secretthots May 16, 2013 at 12:30 pm #

      That is the question.

      I am not so good with closure. I am a lingerer… hoping for more, for better, for less, for a new idea, an untried possibility which often overshadows need.

      Yes, need versus want. Yes.

      • NormalDeviations May 16, 2013 at 1:12 pm #

        Because once you open yourself to something – let it (or that person) in – you’ve made a commitment in a way that’s sacred to you. And the pride of needing to find out why your commitment wasn’t enough to make it last… is tough. Unbearably painful at times.

        Does that ring a bell?

        • secretthots May 16, 2013 at 1:15 pm #

          RING RING!! Good grief, man, now there are tears!! Yes, that is it. Thank you for naming it like that… you make me sound better than I am. πŸ˜‰

          And yes, unbearably painful is incredibly apt, too.

          • NormalDeviations May 16, 2013 at 1:21 pm #

            you make me sound better than I am.

            Why is it okay for you to be more harsh on yourself than the world is? (Or, a slice of the world – like me across the digital divide.)

            Sure, you’re human – humans have flaws and weaknesses. You see yours because you face yourself every day, including your internal dialogue… which others can’t see.

            But, those who see – or what they choose to see – of you, find it enough. Or more than enough, just being you.

            Growing to accept and believe in others seeing you… that is important, is it not?

            • secretthots May 16, 2013 at 1:27 pm #

              Of course it is important but even more vital: believing and accepting it within yourself…

              This is connected to one of my more recent mini-epiphanies: I project my lack of self-love onto others hoping they’ll give me what I don’t know how to claim for myself.

              What a surprising truth that was/ is… a hard, complicated truth to unravel for this surprisingly tender human. πŸ™‚

              • NormalDeviations May 16, 2013 at 1:31 pm #

                You’re not alone. I could’ve written everything above. πŸ™‚

                Meld the two, I find. Self-love and acceptance of others. Use one to help the other grow. Sounds like self-help platitudes, but it’s a core truth.

                • secretthots May 16, 2013 at 1:36 pm #

                  Thanks for that six-pack of truth… my core needed some of that today. πŸ™‚ Truly, I will let this seep in… and find rest.

                  • NormalDeviations May 16, 2013 at 1:38 pm #

                    If you’re near the computer in an hour, read the post I’m writing. πŸ˜‰

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